How to Say Yes to Others, without Saying No to Yourself

Remembering Debbie Ford; We miss you because we cannot touch you ♡, yet you are touching us Debbie, because love lives forever.

Self-love is the warrior's code. It is the source of her courage and confidence.
Compassionate Warriorette, Best Selling Author, Debbie Ford ♡


Always say “yes” to the present moment... Surrender to what is. Say “yes” to life — and see how life suddenly starts working for you rather than against you. Eckhart Tolle


In the martial arts, there is only the present moment...we protect our work by not losing our focus...Zen is the core philosophy behind Bushido~the way of the samurai warrior. M.J.Rolek, Mental Fitness, Complete Workouts for Body,Mind, and Soul ❤     

Thank you for being here and visiting the FunZen Bakery, awesome to see you.

Clearly, many of us get overbooked and have a hard time saying NO. Sound true? Why? People I've talked to have expressed that saying no feels like a struggle because of their people pleasing tendencies, unclear priorities, and feeling too overwhelmed to even consider what is being requested. 

Patti Breitman and Connie Hatch wrote this amazing book; "How to Say No without feeling guilty and Say YES to more Time, more Joy, and what matters most to You". This book encourages us to tune into the law of choice, thus turning issues to insights, and How to Say NO without feeling bad.  

In the first part of this compassionate worrier to warrior blog, I mention the single question that we've asked our awesome guests; How do you handle success stress? and performance pressure? 

As promised here are the 2 Shark Tank winners, Mompreneurs, Lori Lite, Season 1 and Kierston Hathcock, Season 2. Both of these gorgeous winners are making a positive difference in the world, and complement each other. 

Here's a short and bright sound bite of Grace interviewing Lori to find out how 

she handled the pressure of being in the Shark Tank. 

Parent stress expert, Lori Lite of Stress Free Kids magically share books, CD's, and curriculums to help children, teens, and adults decrease stress, anxiety and anger to feel more blessed and destressed. We love how Lori passionately lives her practice, turning her real life into a work of art with her growing media outlets. http://www.stressfreekids.com/

Mod Mom~Kiersten Hathcock, CEO~Designer, is an ex-marketing executive turned self-taught furniture designer/builder and founder of; The Little LIght Project,  Connecting with Spirit, and helping families connect with children who have passed. Kiersten and I had a few lovely phone conversations to actually set up our interview with Grace joining us. What actually happened is reflected in the words of Woody Allen, "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans." The soul seed idea of asking just one question about how to handle success stress was being watered as I was starting to see a clear pattern in the lifestyle of the modern mom. The battle cry for help that I kept hearing was "so much to do, and so little time.'"

I have much respect for Kiersten, she truly is a compassionate warriorette, please check out her wholehearted comment and see for yourself.

"I've learned to deal with success stress, which for me is all about spreading myself too thin, but learning to trust my intuition.  If I'm asked to do one too many things that I know will help my business but I also know I will pay for it physically and mentally, I will go with my intuitive feelings that help me gauge what to turn down and what to accept.  I am a big believer that if you're in alignment with what your true soul/self wants, then you don't have to work non-stop to make things happen.  There needs to be a balance and when there is, you can move ahead without becoming overwhelmed and stressed."

Bonus Life B-lesson from famous illustrator, Mary Engelbreit and her President, John Mavrakis. 

My fingers were crossed after a few discussions with John over the phone, I recall him being enthusiastic about my connection with the Zen Master, NBA Coach Phil Jacskon. The idea of M.E. illustrating our worrier to warrior, FunZen project in Spring 2012  felt promising after our chats and emails . When I heard  Mary was overbooked and unable to do the project I was sad, yet grateful for the positive experience of  hearing an example of "Saying No, without feeling guilty".  What beckoned me to make the choice to share my authentic voice about  this experience is what came next... Realizing that Mary  Engelbreit wasn't going to illustrate the FunZen project, I then asked John if Mary could share a comment about the material, and handling success stress. The life changing moment occured when he expressed that Mary  appreciated  our FunZen project but didn't feel "qualified" to make a comment. 

My aha moment of clarity was amplified, when I realized that hearing the words not feeling "qualified" to share a comment inspired me  to make let's get zen teachings or what my daughter calls "FunZen" more clear and accessible. The situation was a calling to use my worrier to warrior tools to breathe, accepting what is, with self compassion.  Now, it's your turn to bloom instead of gloom.  Together (we got this), with the a little help from the FunZen girls, we're  here to encourage you to empower yourself to find little to big ways to bloom where you're planted, celebrating your  power of choice to taste the sweetness of  I Got This.  

Successilicious  Recipe: with all due respect to Mary Engelbreit's quote, "Bloom where you are planted", for the FunZen girls this pith saying means handling performance pressure by courageously choosing to give ourselves 

room to find our groove, shifting from worrier to warrior,  improve instead of gloom. 

Gloom to Bloom in one breath

Stop in the name LOVE! Hold your head like a flower (blooming) on 
a long stem your spine rooted  into the ground. 

(press your feet or sit bones straight 
down and gently press up through your heavenly crown)

(To activate your secret dancer's posture tool the miracle diamond click here.)

S.mile (mouth yoga)
T.ake a breath and focus on the long breath out Ahhhh
O.bserve yourself nonjudgmentally or mindfully
P.roceed with a clear mind, peaceful heart warrior spirit of I Got This Confidence activation. 

Aha Tweet Tweets: When @PanacheDesai sent a magical tweet to @zenmommie which appeared out of blue 2/19, his compassion awakened in my heart;  only love rooted in the Divine can help us heal and realign with our authenticity or in his words "soul signature".  From direct experience of his "the guru is you" zen approach,  I sense that he sends a vibration that feels like a  kiss reminding us to follow our bliss. That late night his tweet helped me remember this insight, if you think someone let you down, what made you think they were holding you up.

Watching Panache with Oprah(click) on Super Soul Sunday, I was reminded of my enchanting mindful play sessions with  Jani labeled  "The Schizophrenic Child". Oprah came to my house on a Sunday in August 2009 to  interview Jani.

Here's the daisy chain link ☞blog, I was encouraged to write about \my unforgettable learning experience.
Zenjoy!

What's Next: My worrier to warrior turnaround experience with "Pixar's Brave"  cupcake warriorette winner Jane Marie, and her mother Michele Kenno.

Introducing tweetheart, friend, Intuitive Healer, @JenuineHealing, her work is similar to Panache in helping people activate their connection to the Divine. She shares her secret recipe for shining brilliantly no matter what. Jen gave me awesome self healing tips for recovery after the storm with the Schofield's
and more girls just wanna focus, flow and have fun surprises...






Click Here to order my Clear Your Mind Manual "Mental Fitness"
Foreword by Leonard Cohen, endorsed by Louise Hay, Dan Millman,
Iyanla Vanzant, Penny Peirce, Michael Beckwith, O.C. Smith, Richard
Carlson and many more...

In Gratitude w/Love and Lady Bug Hugs ❤

FunZen Girls OX
Michiko (lil mama) and Grace
Contact: (805) 490-2391 
Twitter: @Zenmommie 
Email: @mjrolek@aol.com

Cupcake Warriorettes: Handling Performance Pressure!

"We are cupcake warriors and we are ready for battle," Nycole Primm

"Girls are permitted to demur and back away from their goals. What a waste."

 Gina Barreca, Ph.D

My twitter girl, Brooklyn attorney, actress, Lisann Valentin (read more)  is beautiful (be you to the fullest), brilliant, (lifelong learner) and a bold example of what innovative author, Daniel Pink calls "A Whole New Mind": Using her head, following her heart, and trusting her gut to nurture her creativity. She is a kindred spirit,   who also loves Audrey Hepburn. Li's answer to my question of how she handles performance pressure, like Her Deep Thoughts... blog  is so inspiring, empowering, and uplifting, Zenjoy!

"I think I become another person almost-like your shift. An uber version of me in a way. Had a lot of practice with it, and managing pressure. Being prepared, Accepting who you are, what you want, what you're doing, are important. 

If you can be present in the moment focused on enjoying it, and trusting the work you put into it, then the faces looking at you don't even exist. 
The pressure to be  perfect doesn't exist. It's just you, being you, and being amazing at it. :-)" 

“The willingness to show up changes us, It makes us a little braver each time.”  Brené Brown,  Quotes ☞☞☞ Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead

Truth be told, this blog has been under beautification construction since our first interview with Kim Thurman, who won with her assistant Kim Aeck, Season 2, Episode: L.A. Auto Show, on Food Network's popular "Cupcake Wars" TV  show. The show aired in Jan. 2011 and Grace spoke with Kim in early April 2011. We've gathered a few more cupcake wars winners, and other awesome warriors reaching for excellence in their chosen fields of interests. 

Like flower petals falling one by one, we've been growing, glowing with the flow, and giving back generously in other areas of life. For me, it's been about fine-tuning a short series of books about this topic of choosing to be a worrier or warrior for all ages. Also, Grace started high school at CHAMPS Charter Highschool of performing arts, which she loves after being homeschooled with our FunZen socratic method for 8 years. She is also focusing on her passion, music, at the School of Rock. Without further ado, this Cupcake Warriorettes blog is driven by our singular purpose to inspire and empower our girls, (boys too) to shift from a worrier to warrior, thus becoming heroes of their journeys.

Our beginner's mind, zen approach, is to share playful yet practical tools to capture out of the blues, clues to encourage you to passionately and effortlessly use what you already have, common sense wisdom, and imagination, to guide you in fulfilling your wishes. Seeing yourself as a compassionate warrior will help you stay in the saddle to realize your true potential and live your dreams. 

As a lifelong learning coach, I wholeheartedly embrace the  keep it simple, short and sweet to get on pointe. When I heard these wise loving words from Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, addressed to Deepak Chopra, my heart deeply resonated; "The truth is simple, Make it clear. Let it stand on it's own, and don't get lost in complications." So, instead of mucking up my inspirational soul recipes with too many steps, I am focused on the simple essence of coaching people to experience inner peace (in-her peace) and mindfulness to radiate pure joy. From a zen perspective, learning to love ourselves comes down to self acceptance, honoring the light of beauty, brilliance and boldness in our souls.   

We ask only one question, how do you handle performance pressure or anxiety during the daily grind?  Consider, Dr. Wayne Dyer's wise words; When you squeeze an orange you get orange juice because that's whats inside. The very same principal is about you. When someone squeezes you, puts pressure on you, what comes out is whats inside. And if you don't like what's inside you can change it by changing your thoughts."

For this much anticipated blog series, we're delighted to share wisdom tips, for going from stress to bliss, anxiety to serenity, and gloom to bloom. We've included juicy sound bites from a brilliant psychologist, famous illustrator, an international bestselling author, legendary martial artist, successful entrepreneur mum, a beautiful actress, attorney, celebrity mum,  plus more awesome heroes from life's arena of worriers to warriors. 

 Here's a delicious FunZen min. sound bite from Grace's interview with  Kim Thurman

When I stepped into "Bake You Happy" it was love at first sight. I saw my fav British saying; "Keep Calm, Have a Cupcake" and tingling good vibes followed. Grace and I saw that both Kim's had great teamwork for the dream to work both on and off camera.

Season 2 Winners  , Kim Thurman and Assistant: Kim Aeck Episode: L.A. Auto Show

U.C.L.A. Cupcake Princess: Dorothy Tong and 
Deann Chan,  Season 2
Episode: Hard Rock 

Cupcake Wars winner and princess warrioress Dorothy Tong, Founder of Cupcake and Cookie... was an utter delight to connect-up with, I called once, sent an email asking for her comment, and in true royal fashion she demonstrated how she handles performance pressure, effortlessly with the lovely combination of two spiritual backbone ingredients; Hard-work and Enthusiasm. 

"To handle performance pressure, I prepare myself for the event by practicing the activity (such as baking, dancing, speaking, etc) until I am so familiar with the motions I can do them in my sleep.  My personality actually thrives under pressure, so I use that adrenaline as fuel to perform.  Also, I found that it is helpful to know what your weaknesses are specifically to the event you are performing, and to be able to avoid them.  For example, my weakness on timed tests is that I spend too much time on the early problems and then I am unable to finish the test.  Knowing this, when I go into a timed test I make sure that I do not spend too much time on the early questions and do not let myself spend more time on a problem unless I have finished the entire test and then can go back and work on the previous problems."

Jennica Braddock and her Mom Crystal Schaffner, Episode: Tony Hawk, Season 4 winner

Out of the blue, as the name suggests "Dreamy Creations...", Cupcake Wars Winner's logo was printed on what looked like a food truck, and jumped out at me, when I was driving in Northridge Ca. At first, I thought, just keep going, it's probably an address on the truck, I won't recognize. Out of Stillness, I noticed that the address on the cupcake truck was close by. I gave myself a mini zen tune up with a centered breath and posture check. Then I walked into the Cupcake Cafe, following my heart and trusting my hara (gut), to ask my "worrier to warrior" question. Jenica was smiling behind the counter, like a ray of light bursting through a cloud of doubt flowing through my mind. She radiated that "Girls just wanna have fun" on fire spirit, it was obvious that she was a cupcake warriorette and knew about focusing and flowing forward through battle rounds on and off camera.

Angel Food for the Soul: Inspirational Recipe: According to Peaceful Warrior, Dan Millman, we can activate our warrior spirit in 3 steps. 1. Dream Big, 2. Start Small 3. Connect the dots, Embrace the moment to moment discovery process one tiny little step at a time. Zenjoy! 

Jenica fired up her fearless faith and set a stellar example for all of us; to feed our vision with hope, love, and courage. Hope is seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, no matter what. This is the dreams come true warrior spirit ingredient Jenica shared with me and uses with her "Dreamy Creations" inspiring all of us to follow and trust our hearts by taking action. 

 I asked my utterly brilliant twitter friend, Author, Dr Ben Michaelis... to give me a hand, and share how he personally handles performance pressure. Not only did he answer this question eloquently, he has an awesome new book "Your Next Big Thing"  to dip your inner paint brush into for hot tips, cool tools, and creative strategies to play in the NOW, happily and successfully. Here's a sample of Ben's dream fuel in 3 words "Keep On Going."

Also, check out his amazing article  on not just surviving with stress and anxiety but thriving, and "Shaking off the Grind" to glide and feel more blessed, no matter what.   http://t.co/jlEqzCeF

"I always begin to handle performance pressure by first practicing whatever it is I need to present/perform, then letting go by grounding myself in the now.  I check in with my five senses -- especially the olfactory sense -- our most powerful sense, which can ground us in the present.  Then I focus on my breath."

 Warrior Spirit Whisperer:  "It's good to know that you're spreading the pixie dust of ZenFun, doing what you love and loving what you do... here's to FunZen and Zen Fun, moment to moment, day to day, throughout the New Year." Dan Millman

My mentor/friend, best-selling author Dan Millman 's spirited presence in words whether through talking on the phone, in person, or reading his books has touched me deeply with reverence and humility. Once he sent me a fax in the late nineties (remember those?) and expressed that it was a "pleasure to speak with a fellow artist-athlete" these simple words, restore my hope, help, and humor and bring me inner harmony to this day. Most recently, I bravely asked @pwDan to share how he handles performance pressure. His response left me wonderstruck for a bit, leaving me hushed, with a let it be feeling of inner stillness. Grateful to jump back in to bake up some successilious sweet treats. Zenjoy his warrior spirit of a clear mind, peaceful heart. ❤  PeacefulWarrior movie clip 

"My only answer to the question you pose below is:  What performance pressure?  Do you mean performance pleasure? The way I handle performance is to perform — not just on a stage or in front of an audience or camera, but moment to moment. Every moment is a chance to perform, to function, to do whatever I'm doing as well as I can. I fail to reach my ideals nearly always, but that's okay, too. I don't aim for success or for victory; I only aim for excellence in the moment. There is no pressure in the moment." 

What's next: 2 amazing ABC Shark Tank mompreneur winners, my twitter friend, stress expert, Lori Lite, @StressFreeKids will share her magic mood tool for family fun, and staying stress free like a deeply rooted tree. And more...don't miss my life learned b-lesson from illustrator, Mary Engelbreit. ♡

Click Here to order my Clear Your Mind Manual "Mental Fitness" Foreword by Leonard Cohen, endorsed by Louise Hay, Dan Millman, Iyanla Vanzant, Penny Peirce, Michael Beckwith, O.C. Smith, Richard Carlson and many more...

In Gratitude w/Love and Hugs ❤

FunZen Girls OX

Michiko (lil mama) and Grace

Contact: (805) 490-2391 
Twitter: @Zenmommie 
Email: @mjrolek@aol.com

Fun never ends, FunZen is for everyone.

I teach kids FunZen and parents to be Mindful.